Welcome to 2008

After almost 4 years of having only 6 channels, I caved and signed up for cable. As of October 4th I will be among the technically advanced and have my very own DVR. About time, no?

Just for Laughs

10 Ways to Be an Even Better Friend

1. Gossip, yes, but don't get mean. She'll wonder whether you're talking that way about her to everyone else.

2. If she's got a poppy seed in her teeth, mascara under her eyes or deodorant on her sweater, tell her.
3. Do not. Repeat, do not side with her mother.

4. If she's crazy about him, pretend he's your brother and never date him. Ever.

5. Have that scary fight about how she's been bugging you. If you can go there for a guy, you can for her, too.

6. Keep her ring size filed away in case you-know-who calls for advice about you-know-what.

7. Oh, just wear the bridesmaid's dress.

8. See straight through her attempts at cool perfection and love her more for the weaknesses she's trying to hide.

9. Remind her that she wasn't that into him, either.

10. When the guy dumps her, the cat gets cancer, the job explodes, simply be there.

Interesting Facts

I got these facts in an email from Derek's aunt recently and thought they were so neat-I had to share!

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
-Scientists say the higher your I. Q., the more you dream. (obviously I dream every night)

-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

-You use 200 muscles to take one step. (why are my legs so scrawny looking then?)

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man. (I could have told you that much- how about over a foot shorter...)

-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three. (my toes are so fat, I didnt think they had bones)

-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. (GROSS)

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. (is that why reflux hurts so stinking bad?)

-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

-There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. (GROSS again)

-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. (how can this translate to be used on Survivor?)

-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born. (I guess this explains people that look like they stole dentures from a rabbit?)

-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

NEWSFLASH

I have been so hesitant to blog about the changes in my life. Its been up and down and all over the place, but a few months after I started my great quest- I finally got an offer for a fantastic job! Im so glad to be off the roller coaster and finally have a concrete idea of where my future may take me and know that I worked very hard to get there.

I didnt blog much about it for obvious reasons but as of this morning I am officially in my last two weeks at the American Cancer Society. Telling my supervisor, my team and the original group of peers I started with was a little bittersweet. I could tell they all understood how great my offer was and they knew that money was starting to become an issue for me, as was juggling two jobs with a boyfriend, a dog, a life and way too many bills.

I will be sad to leave my friends here- of course I loved the benefits, the vacation and the flexibility with my schedule but it is time to move on. When I started on March 19, 2007, I was in a class with 12 others. Of the 13 total that made up "Class 66", there are 4 that remain... one of those is myself. So as you can see, its not completely shocking that my time has come as 9 members of our class have already left us.

I will start my new job at Brown Distributing on September 29th and will be aiming my career back toward the sales path. I think it is a smart move for me as I seemed to have done so well with it while I was at RenewData and sold things I barely understood. Now, I will be selling and maintaining the bulk orders of beer. Beer I understand. My clients will consist of smaller restaurants, some coffee shops, bars and a country club or two. Here is hoping its as much fun as I am imagining it will be!

11 days later

I survived my wisdom tooth extraction. I am now a little less wise and very very rested. I had a full 5 days off of work to recover- most of which I spent asleep or glued to the tv watching old seasons of One Tree Hill on dvds I rented from Blockbuster. I know... Im a little less of a woman for admitting to that. Such a dramatic and riveting show, though.

Sorry to have left you deserted for such an unforgivable amount of time, please forgive me.

Be Careful What You Wish For

As far back as I can remember, I was told that I had no wisdom teeth whatsoever. None in, none coming in, none even close to inside my mouth. It became a running joke with the dentist I have seen since I was 8 that I simply "dont have any wisdom"- poor me, eh? I missed out on braces and retainers and now I would be one of very few who didnt get a week off to have my teeth yanked out.



I know what youre thinking, who on earth would WANT oral surgery? Well, I did. When I was younger, covered under my parents insurance and on someone elses dime, of course. Well Im here to tell you that never wish for something you dont REALLY want. All of a sudden, at age 25, I have a wisdom tooth that needs to be extracted, Im on my own insurance and its going to HURT!!!

I was informed last week that I would need to get it out as soon as possible. I made an appointment with the oral surgeon and will be having the extraction tomorrow. I suppose the up-side to having your gums sliced open and a tooth ripped from your jaw is the 5 day break that follows. I see many movies, much sleeping and lots of milkshakes in my near future.

Please feel free to call me, send me emails, text messages, carrier pigeons with jokes or just plain stop by! Im thinking that Ill be pretty bored by the end of day 2... at least Derek has agreed to be my own personal nurse and I can soak up his cable tv for the time being! Its all about the silver lining...

I Am Emotional, I Admit It

I found this on Stephanie Klein's blog this morning and I must be tired, or stressed or on the verge of some kind of meltdown because it brought me to tears:

She's the kind of girl who thinks she's good at cards, and she'll do a little dance when she wins. You'd tell her you only let her win so you could watch her, but she really did beat you. Truth is, you'd love her either way because really, you love the way she reacts to things. You love the way she cries at commercials and looks in her glasses, no makeup. And she thinks she looks ugly, but it's when you love her most...in her socks, comfortable at home, at her desk chair, caught picking her nose, but only a little. You love her like Sunday with eggs and the smell of bacon and fizzled onions. In her undershirt, her laugh, the way when she reads something she likes, she has to read it to you aloud. "Are you listening? You're not fucking listening. Pay attention. There will be a test." You like her threats and her smile, but you think she's prettier when she doesn't. When she thinks no one's watching her. You like her off. You can't stand how long it takes her to get ready or how many times she asks you to get her water, or please do this for me, but you compromise because she rolls down the windows and makes you forget about the traffic. She'll paint her nails in the car and whine when she's cranky and when she can't sleep. You like that you know she’ll sip at her tea in a way you can hear, and that she chews on her shirt collar when she’s nervous. That she prefers mittens to gloves and wishes she had a fireplace only for the smell. You love the curve of her face and the cup of her smile, the way she breathes in the dark, and how she loves you. You’ll spend the rest of your life letting her know you’re the lucky one, that you adore her, even with the extra twelve pounds, and you’ll whisper it every night, even when she can’t hear you.You love how she gets excited when they’ve got her Ben & Jerry’s flavor in stock. She’ll spin around in front of the glass door and say, “Hells yeah.” And she’ll look up for a moment to make sure you see her, the way she does at the movies when something good happens. She always wants to share with you--you know, except when it comes to her fries. Her fries are hers, and your fries are hers. Money too, but mostly the fries. You love the way you know her, that you know how to make her feel at home no matter where she is. Sometimes it’s as easy as the Disney channel and the original Parent Trap. Other times it’s ordering in and a bedtime story she forces you to make up, and if it sounds vaguely like any movie she knows, she’ll call you out on that shit and make you start over. With something new. Because as long as you both find and make new, you can stay with everything that’s old and broken-in.

We should all be so lucky to be loved that much!

Im In The Dog House

For the first time in a very long time, Molly was in BIG trouble last night. Its been such a long time since she did anything that made me as mad as I was last night so I think it shocked her to be in so much trouble, but boy was she ever!

Having taken her to play with her boyfriend Rufus on Saturday night, she was in desperate need of a bath. Because I had so much going on over the long weekend, it had to wait until last night.

Molly is always great about her baths and cooperates with me right up until the end. Its a little known fact, though, that when she is dried off and out of the tub she runs laps until she looks like her legs might snap off her little furry body. Last night was no exception to this rule so I didnt think much of it.

After she was done running around, she went and laid down under my bed (my guess is that she was still a little cold) and I went about my business. When it came time to leave the apt and do some running around she would NOT come out from under the bed. She would be on one side just within reach and would see me coming and move right to the middle of the bed- just to where I couldnt reach her. I tolerated this game of cat and mouse for a while and then I just flat ran out of patience. She was doing this for so long that she was actually making me late!!!

I tried treats, ice, pretending Id left, you name it- I tried it. After much frustration and time spent trying to coax her out, I had to grab her by the leg. It was pretty sad and I know it scared her but she needed to get out. I gave her a spanking hoping she would know what shed done wrong and maybe "learn" that it wasnt okay with me but all it did was make her scared of me for the rest of the night. She didnt even want to come in from outside to go to bed, she would run when I got within five feet of her.

Am I a bad mom or does anyone else have this problem when disciplining their dog(s)?